By Sorry for the delay. You have persevered through four updates while I immersed myself at MK Dons, but now it’s time for some action!
Don’t get too excited though – we’re not even in pre-season yet. This is the post-season doldrums where everyone is on holiday and utterly miserable about their relegation to League Two.
You will appreciate my surprise, therefore, when 21 year old David Kasumu grabs me for a chat. He must have abandoned his vacation, leapt in the car and sped straight down the M1 to catch me just as I exit my new office to find the nearest coffee machine. Barely a greeting passes between us, but he tells me he’s keen to have a new contract to match his ability.
Well, he’s certainly forthright. Let’s have a look…
Kasumu is currently being paid £750 per week but has five-star potential and is already one of the best players at the club. This is a no-brainer. I happily capitulate and offer him 2.2k per week plus bonuses, which will easily be accommodated in our wage budget once our highest earners’ contracts expire.
Then I’m interrupted by Harry Darling, who tells me he doesn’t want to be transfer listed any more. Maybe he and Kasumu went halves on a taxi.
It is at this moment that I realise just how doomed MK Dons were under their previous regime. Darling is a 21 year old ball-playing defender with 4.5 star potential – already one of the best defenders at the club, but not playing regularly. The previous manager was an absolute idiot for putting him up for sale.
I take Darling off the transfer list immediately and bask in the glow of my moneyballing brilliance: keep hold of the youngsters with huge potential, and get the over-valued older players off the wage bill. So far so good.
Slightly positive
My first press conference with the assembled media (all three of them) goes off without a hitch and I receive some wonderfully passive-aggressive feedback from my colleague.
And then I confirm my first two signings. Marcus Kelly puts pen to paper as my Assistant Manager (I will be depending on you, my friend) and Kasumu wastes no time before signing his new contract and speeding back off on holiday.
Delighted.
Of course, there aren’t many £2 million players in League Two, so speculation is already mounting that he could be on the move. Looks like I could tested with a Rule 9 incident very soon.
I have to be honest – I’m finding this tough. Never, since I started playing Championship Manager as a kid, have I been happy to sell one of my first team players. I want to hold on to them, tooth and nail. To convince them that if they stay with me, they can accomplish everything they hoped to achieve in football and more…
Maybe that’s one of the reasons I was always rubbish at Football Manager.
This is a brave new world. Come and get them folks.
The transfer window opens
I’ve been in the job for a week and a half before I receive the first reports from my scouting team. Kaylen Hinds looks like a good League One player, so could help to solve my striking problem. He’s available on a free transfer and likely to expect about £1.2k a week. That’s significantly cheaper than my underperforming strike force but there’s interest in his services all the way up to the Championship.
Let’s be realistic here. We’ll need some lesser known alternatives.
I may also need another wingback…
Please, Bournemouth, do go ahead and offer me 4.7 million pounds. It will make adjusting to moneyball so much easier.
The transfer window is barely an hour old when I welcome my pre-contracted new arrivals. Neither of them are a natural fit in my preferred formation but I help them adjust – Bolton starts training as a right wing back and Anderson as an Advanced Forward.
The departure of Zak Jules, though, is incredibly galling. He leaves on a free, with two years of his contract remaining, and is now worth 47k to Raith Rovers. That’s a ridiculous way to treat a 23 year old centre back when one of our first choice defenders is 37 years old.
So it begins…
And then the floodgates open. I receive seven bids for Sorinola. He’s only valued at £500k but that’s a significant chunk of change for a club about to drop to League Two.
I turn down West Brom, who offer £425k up front, but accept all the others: not every club is offering a down-payment above his current value, but they’re all suggesting appearance clauses and a percentage of the next sale.
Incredibly, the board aren’t having any of it. They refuse to sanction a transfer for Sorinola unless we get at least £2.4 million. Maybe I’m in the right place after all – the board are more moneyball than me.
The Life of O’Riley
No sooner have I gone through the ups and downs of the Sorinola saga, than Southampton jump in for midfielder O’Riley. That’s Premier League interest in three of my players. How on earth have we just been relegated to League Two?
They offer just over his current market value up-front but a bucket load of add ons, so I ask for an extra 200k now and drop the international appearance clause down by the same. Let’s see what the board say this time.
Two clicks of continue later and more offers come in for O’Riley and Sorinola. At least their farewell fees will go a large way to wiping out our £13 million debt.
Eventually an offer comes in that I most certainly can turn down. A paltry £11.5k is offered for one of my back up strikers, and I heartily reject it as way below his current value. Besides, I get the feeling I’m going to need my squad players at the end of this exodus.
Sadly, Nombe, the striker in question, expresses his frustration at not being allowed to move to Lincoln City. I attempt to convince him that he’s better off staying here until we get a higher fee.
Oh no. That didn’t work. At all. He’s furious with me.
How are those scouts getting on…?
These moneyball rules hit hard. I really want to approach Kaylen Hines, whose attributes look great and would almost certainly be a great player for us…
- Rule 4: Only buy players aged 21-25, with decent data sample size
Damn. He has no previous playing history to refer to, so I move on.
I do however submit an offer for Admiral Muskwe, who played in the Championship for Wycombe this season, scoring 8 goals.
He’s a hard negotiator but convinces me to offer him £3.5k a week and some significant bonuses. Moneyball rules state that wage spend is more important than transfer spend, so I’m happy to go in high for a player who would cost nothing.
More bids come in for O’Riley and Nombe and, in the midst of the chaos, I make my first signing – Sam Woods, a 22 year old centre back from Crystal Palace who played on loan at Plymouth Argyle last year. Hopefully a long term replacement for Dean Lewington.
And then my first true moneyball success: I sell one of my back up defenders to Accrington for double his value.
Welcome back, dear team
After three weeks of scouting, data analysis and conference calls with greedy agents, the cacophony of noise from the dressing room alerts me to the fact that the players are back from their holidays. And they’re eager to meet me.
But my first, rousing speech goes down like a lead balloon. Despite my assurances, the team don’t think themselves capable of automatic promotion and accuse me of setting completely unrealistic expectations.
And with that final bombshell, as my squad of disgruntled players take to the training pitch complaining about the deluded idiot the board are paying to sit in the dug-out this year, pre-season officially begins.
I get the feeling it might not be as easy as I thought.
Join me next time when I will unveil more new signings, announce some record-breaking outgoings, and marvel at the new England manager.
Games Tell Stories 